Confiteor

I yearn so much for those moments of perfect clarity when your love is so obvious, my heart warms the very hairs of my body to stand on end...

I yearn to be loved by you so much and so completely that it excites me, it drives me to be yours...

yet I'm weak, when I don't hear it, dont see your love, even though it might be near, i feel abandoned

and I seek a new love... one that's not you... because your perfection can not be matched.

but one that will whisper lies in my ears, that will comfort my body... leaving my soul with a partial satisfaction that is fully empty.

I can't survive without the water of your affirmation
of your loving prescence
of knowledge that you exist and know I do

I am weak, and I need your help... I need comfort and your strength
I can't do it alone...
I can't love you alone.
I can't love you alone.
I can't love you alone.

Help me to love you.

Please?

I know

I've cried so much
over you
why do I want more?

why do I come back
hoping things will change
when I know what I'll meet
a heart hardened

why do I come back
giving one more shot
hoping things will change
when I know it will fail

why do I pursue you
when all I get is indifference
why do I give you my heart
when all you do is run

why do I listen to words sweet
with sugar and hope
when the bitter fruit
lies just below

I don't know why
God told me
I don't know why
He sent me

But I will love you

Even when it hurts

when your back is turned



when you reject me


It hurts,
but that's what I was told
to do

I must.
Though I dont always want to...
its so painful.

to save?

what have i to save?

a sinner falling an falling and falling...
repentance seems to me as if its a game i play

for daddy to let me eat dinner...
a dinner divine,
one I'm not willing to give up so easily

one more important than my pride
than my rebelious pride

striving to sever everything...

yet this one thing remains

your remains

those left here for us...
for some reason...

I crave you

I crave the holinesss that I so much wish to destroy

the holiness that fear I might have to be...
that I don't want to...

all I want is this or that
and they certainly aren't you

but in it all
I see glimmers of your face

your darling lovely face
the one I fell in love with so long ago

so long?
lol!

its been so short for a marriage!

nearly four years...
nearly four
nearly

and I'm back where I began...
just about four years ago.

I said I'd be yours...
and I hoped so much to be...
but how unfaithful I've been...
opportunities left
chances right
and failure right where I am.

how can you love me?
i have nothing to save
nothing worth anything
all I have I've wasted.

thrown away

for fleeting moments
of selfishness
veiled in illusion

will you save illusions?
then why would you save me?