to save?

what have i to save?

a sinner falling an falling and falling...
repentance seems to me as if its a game i play

for daddy to let me eat dinner...
a dinner divine,
one I'm not willing to give up so easily

one more important than my pride
than my rebelious pride

striving to sever everything...

yet this one thing remains

your remains

those left here for us...
for some reason...

I crave you

I crave the holinesss that I so much wish to destroy

the holiness that fear I might have to be...
that I don't want to...

all I want is this or that
and they certainly aren't you

but in it all
I see glimmers of your face

your darling lovely face
the one I fell in love with so long ago

so long?
lol!

its been so short for a marriage!

nearly four years...
nearly four
nearly

and I'm back where I began...
just about four years ago.

I said I'd be yours...
and I hoped so much to be...
but how unfaithful I've been...
opportunities left
chances right
and failure right where I am.

how can you love me?
i have nothing to save
nothing worth anything
all I have I've wasted.

thrown away

for fleeting moments
of selfishness
veiled in illusion

will you save illusions?
then why would you save me?