Luz Azul

the illusion shattered
a sweet dove defiled
anticipation turned inward blindness

a sad shame and a hopeless hope
desired by some,
friends for others.

ego shattered
clinging to what i have
knowing that I shouldn't base my future off of selfishness

wanting to have that which would tear me down
that would rip me from my comfort
into a den of despair

I want what is horrible for me... for her
something that will take her
take me

destroy our hope,
our life
our way

clinging to mutual selfishness
desiring more.
knowing it will never, should never occur

wanting it all the more.

But what is it?
truly I say... truly I know
it is You

but I'd rather have her.
and I'd rather have You.

Can't I have both?
though she doesn't want me, and I barely want You?